5 Regrets of the Dying

Five Regrets of the Dying

By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, such as denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though... every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.

Here are the most common five:

1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5) I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your death-bed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Simple Principles

I believe in some simple principles.
We are spirits enjoying a human experience.
What we think sends out positive or negative vibrations affecting everyone and everything.
We are all connected. One is all. All is one.
We are influenced by massive energies around us.
We can take control of our lives.
We can step from living in FEAR to living in LOVE.
We are controlled by fear but we have the choice to ignore fear and choose LOVE and to remain calm while disasters happen around us.
We need to do this.
We need to be in nature.
Nature has what we need to sustain us and energise us.
We are part of a rising awareness and consciousness.
Corruption, greed and power is being exposed daily.
Economic systems and dictatorships are collapsing as they no longer serve
our truths and our souls.
We are realising that material possessions do not bring happiness (even if they bring comfort).
More joy can be achieved by helping others.
We are moving to honesty and transparency for the good of all at personal and corporate levels.
More people are moving from heavy Fear vibration to the lightness of living in LOVE and LIGHT.

SPIRITUALITY – LOOK WITHIN

SPIRITUALITY – LOOK WITHIN

We live pressured lives, in unstable, unpredictable times. People carry more and more stress. There is no time to enjoy the essence of life.

We forget that the material things, which we work so hard for, do not make us happy in the long term, even if we feel rewarded by our efforts to achieve them, and in the pleasure of first ownership.

How do we find happiness? How do we speak the language of peace and love in a world where electronic communication has become so available?

Our minds are bound by prejudices and negative feelings. Where is a source of energy from which to take power from to cope with increasing demands?

It is time to look within our selves. The little voice within asks: Who Am I? What is my purpose on earth? How can the world become a better place? Why do some suffer more than others? Is there a God or a greater Force?

The answers lie in Spirituality – the key to recover and take control of our lives and to find peace, purity and love and the power to face challenges.

Peace brings equilibrium to the mind and allows it to flow with situations, not to fight them. We can recharge the batteries, the very Soul, the subtle invisible part of us, the spark, the life force which animates our bodies.

Within the soul lies peace, love, happiness, power and goodness, our essential qualities. We find these when we connect to our soul, and are then free to send these energies and qualities out into the world by our thoughts, words and actions.

When we connect internally with our soul we gain heightened perception and see people and situations as they really are. At this level we are no longer limited by culture, language, race and religion. We are all one. We are souls of one human family.

We can make this inward journey by experiencing quiet moments, being alone, being in nature and by regular meditation. We can empty the mind of the stresses and expectations of material happiness which society feeds to us, and bask in the natural treasures which we all have inside, the natural flow of love, happiness, peace and fortune. Reflect and find the answers within and allow the pure spiritual energy to recharge us.

Copyright David Millner
November 2010