DANGER IN THE COMFORT ZONE

DANGER IN THE COMFORT ZONE

What is our comfort zone? It is the familiar, safe, predictable place where nothing changes, we always act in the same way and get the same results. It is that place where habit and routine co-exist and we can go round in circles.

We may dream of ambitions and different results but they will always elude us if we don’t take action to achieve them. We repeat patterns of behaviour, like failing with one partner, then taking a similar partner and failing again. The problem is inside us, not the partner.

Routine becomes monotony, complaint, frustration, and perhaps a boring or non-existent sex life.

Why do we stay with a partner who abuses us, or does not fulfil us? Because we FEAR what lies outside.

Outside we can have new experiences, see new perspectives and expand our horizons. We can release what blocks and limits us.

Love, adventure, travel, and work can remain stuck in the mediocre, unless we pluck up courage to reach for the stars, following our dreams and desires, to fly like eagles, changing what we want to change?

When we follow our heart or intuition, we can enter the brave new world where miracles occur and anything is possible.

We can choose to take responsibility to steer our lives instead of drifting along with the flow.

Everything has it's own time. A client says “It is easy to realize when something is ABSOLUTELY NOT working, the difficult part is to see when the time is appropriate. However it is only difficult until we are ready to move on. I do not need persuading to see what is wrong. I know that I might lose some things now, but I will gain much more later. I am patient, therefore I am happy, and I know everything will be fine.” 

The danger is not leaving in the comfort zone, but staying in it. What do you want to change, but have not had the courage to do?

Cppyright David Millner

January 2013

This blog may be reproduced IN FULL if author is credited and link to this blog is shown.

Contact David Millner for your coaching needs, and skype consultations.
e-mail earthenergies@gmail.com
Life Coach in all areas of personal, financial and business life 
specialising in relationships, intimacy & sexuality.

Three Love Mantras to Open Your Heart

Three Love Mantras that Open Your Heart

By Marci Shimoff

The first time I fell in love I couldn’t believe what happened to the world. The sky had never been that blue before! The trees looked like works of art! The most annoying acquaintance was suddenly adorable, and the morning traffic jam became a delightful chance to sit and dream.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? But of course, in the years since, I’ve learned that it’s not that the world that changed; it was my own heart. When we’re in love, our hearts open up like flowers, making the whole world seem like paradise. Wouldn’t it be great to live this way all of the time?

That was the question I set out to answer in my latest book, Love for No Reason. As part of my research, I found and interviewed over 150 unconditionally loving people I call “Love Luminaries” — people living with an open heart no matter what was happening in their lives. Among the key lessons I learned from them are what I call the three “love mantras,” phrases that help us remember to open our hearts and feel the love everyday.

Love Mantra 1: Love is Who We Are. Love isn’t just something we feel for others, it’s who we are. Though we usually think of love as a stream of emotion flowing between two people, love is more like an ocean that’s inside and all around us.

Instead of walking around with a little cup, begging for a few drops of love from others, recognize that you’re the huge ocean of love. Let go of the feeling, There’s a limit to love and I have to get mine. When you do this, you relax, and your energy expands.  Rather than looking at every interaction as a potential source of love—something to fill you up and make you feel good—come to every interaction radiating love. Then you go from being a “love beggar,” to being a “love philanthropist.”

Love Mantra 2: The Purpose of Life is to Expand in Love. Love is your job description – no matter what you do for a living. If you ever feel unsure of what you’re supposed to do in a situation, here’s a good rule of thumb: always do what leads to greater love. When you put giving and receiving love at the top of your priority list, you’ll definitely experience more everyday success and raise the quality of your life.

Love Mantra 3: The Heart is the Portal to Love. Your heart is more than a physical pump; it’s your ticket to experiencing Love for No Reason. If it’s open, love flows freely, both in and out. If it’s closed, even with the best intentions, you’ll have a hard time being loved or being loving. Try pouring water into or out of a jar if the lid is on. It’s a simple case of physics.

Focus your attention on your heart. When your heart feels open, expanded and light, then you know you’re on the right track for greater love. When it’s shut down, tight or heavy, you know you’re going in the direction of less love. When this happens, shift your thoughts, feelings, and actions so they support the opening of your heart.

Remembering these three mantras will help you shift to a new paradigm and open your heart to a deeper and higher love.

As you’re learning to experience more love in your life, it’s important to treat yourself with love.  When you notice your heart closing, instead of getting down on yourself, know that, just by being aware that it is closing, you’re one step closer to positive change.

Many of us think we’re only going to change by beating ourselves up, but harshness and self-hatred don’t lead to lasting change and never lead to more love. Being gentle with yourself will speed your growth and improve your quality of life as you go.

Doing this will put you on the fast-track to Love for No Reason. Then every day can be an “in love” day.

http://omtimes.com/2011/12/the-three-love-mantras-that-open-your-heart/

Connect with Marci Shimoff.
Based on the New York Times bestseller Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out. Marci’s latest bestseller is Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love (Free Press, 2010) which offers a breakthrough approach to experiencing a lasting state of unconditional love—the key to lasting joy and fulfilment in life. To order Love for No Reason, go to www.TheLoveBook.comand follow Marci on Twitter @Marci_Shimoff.

Power of Masculine & Power of Feminine

The secret of a powerful man is that he is a pillar of consciousness who is able to contain all the contradictions of life and remain centered.This begins by him accepting his power and his vulnerability together in the same moment. He accepts his animal instinct as well as his intellectual refinement. He is thus able to hold a woman who is the very embodiment of contradictions. She is Shakti, containing all the varied and liquid forms of feminine nature. Ruled by the moon, she changes with the ebb and flow of the tides. Her orgasm catapults her beyond mind, into transcendent reality. The greatest gift for the man happens when he is able to be the pure fire of awareness, Shiva, holding Shakti as she lets go into multi orgasmic splendour.

The secret of a powerful woman is that she is fully alive to her loving, devotional, emotional and psychic abilities. She is fluid like water, and is therefore able to accept change easily. Going with the flow, is the way of yin. She craves nothing so much as finding a man, or a god to whom she may abandon herself to in fullest surrender. Letting go and being possessed by the divine masculine is her deepest ecstasy. She is able to let go, because her throne is the heart, the seat of love. And every woman knows deep down, that God is love, and that love is God. Since the very essence of divinity finds its abode in her heart, she can afford to be sweet, giving and nurturing.

Now imagine for a moment what an amazing world we would be living in, if men and women lived their true opposite and yet complementary natures, with integrity. Imagine a politician who was in touch with his vulnerable inner child, while at the same time was able to remain rooted in his pillar of consciousness, nourished by deep meditation. Imagine a politician who was able to offer his beloved a night of multi orgasmic union, and was then able to give a speech to the nation on the necessity of caring for the earth as we would care for our own mother. He is both strong, and vulnerable, and this is what makes him eminently attractive. He has learned the art of loving a woman and this has ignited the desire to love and care for his country.

And imagine, how it would be, if a radiantly loving multi orgasmic woman were to work in a corporate setting, and had the power to run it her way. Her office is full of plants and flowers, she offers holistic healing to her workers, and her company has the feeling of a loving family. All her customers are encouraged to love and nurture themselves and she has a unique system of profit sharing and a clear intention to give back to the earth whatever has been borrowed. The building she works in has been designed to honour the undulating contours of nature, and is ecological and self-sustaining.

In our present time, it is unfortunate that men have forgotten their deeper potential. They tend to be either at the extreme of testosterone, going amok on a power crazed rape of the earth and her resources, or in the opposite extreme of feeling so deeply apologetic for being men that they become effeminate and cut off from their masculine resources. And women, ahh, sisters, how sad it is to see you turning your back on feminine grace and trying in vain to compete with men by acquiring masculine qualities! You will be able to help yourselves and the world much more, by opening up your true feminine glory. The Goddess is back, and this time, she seeks balance of the sexes. Like two banks of a river, we appear separate, and yet in the middle of the river of life, we meet, and experience being one in essence. How rich is the union of opposites!

I see the future as that of love, joy and celebration. I sense that in the new dawn of humanity, Tantra will find its true place, offering as it does the alchemy for the meeting of sex, love and spirit. When our animal nature is recognized as divine, and when our spirituality is fully embodied, we will then know the fullness of our potential. We will discover wholeness, and healing. We will realize God as male and female in perfect union.
༺♥༻ Sarita {Two Banks of the River of Life} ╰დ╮❤╭დ╯

Art by Canan Berber© ❤

BEHIND THE FAÇADE – ANOTHER SEXLESS MARRIAGE

(Actually Two non-intimate relationships)

A friend opens up to encourage others in the same situation to GET A LIFE.

Names changed for anonymity.

Hi David, do you know that Paul and I separated this year?

We had been growing apart for quite a few years and I had been unhappy and unsatisfied for a very long time.

Life is so short to be unhappy so, better late than never, I grabbed life with both hands. I'm sad I’ve hurt my girls (women now) I doubt they'll ever forgive me but perhaps they will understand one day when they experience life for themselves. I can relate to so many of your Facebook posts now that I'm in the zone of feeling fulfilled…..at long last!

I just had to do this "for me" 

Why is life and love so complicated? Will has been in a friendship, not really a full relationship for about 18 months and has found it hard to let the lady down, although it had almost run it's course before it began. There has never been anything physical between them.

I met him by pure chance earlier in the year and am convinced it was fate that we connected ... the rest just got better and better.

I would have left Paul sooner or later as my unhappiness had become so huge I couldn't contain it, 28 years is a lifetime in itself! Will is going to make the full break after the New Year. I know how hard it is to get the timing and the words right!!

I've had three months on my own here and although I've loved my independence I know I belong with someone rather than not, he's the other half of me and I felt the spark the first time we spoke on the phone, but he wasn't ready to commit until a good while later.

I have had to wait until he is ready. I’m on a different level these days. I now know that I've never really truly loved until now.

I guess we all have high expectations, we all assume that marriage is for life, until life shows us otherwise! I truly believe Will and I have the most wonderful future together but until we start really living the dream we're still not quite there but we have promised to always do our best for each other.

I can feel the lack of intimacy, like an endless deep pain. I've lived without intimacy for what feels like forever. It really isn't living at all, and Will too in his relationship.

I’m actually surprised I have children!!

Lack of intimacy is a huge part of why I couldn't stay any longer, but we were so mismatched from day one in that area.  I'm a woman and at long last someone has noticed, although Will and I have the whole package, but oooh the physical side to me is the icing on the cake of life. 

I really feel in tune with lots of your posts; isn't it amazing how looking at the world with fresh eyes and a happy heart can make you feel so alive!!!

Someone said to me recently that it was a really brave thing to jump ship ... I replied that I'm so thrilled I did because the water's gorgeous.

I’ve had a good handful of people openly admit to me that they wish they were in my shoes because they're just as frustrated. It would have been easier to stay and put up with what my old life was like, but I feel so refreshed and alive that I'm taking charge and actually living my life for me now, but you have to have the courage to take that plunge.

We're only human with needs and desires, it's completely natural, Most people won't discuss their own private intimacy, Paul never would, not even with me, which is partly why we struggled so much, I'm a very open person and that's just who I am. But some people who can discuss intimacy will still never change the way they are.

Maybe one day Paul can find a way to open his mind and thoughts, and I hope for his sake he does, but I never managed to see inside in almost 30 years we were together, how sad really!

He said when we're old it (sex) won't happen anyway and beds are for sleeping in! I was only in my early 30's at the time, and believe me, hearing that was pretty depressing.

I really should have called it a day MUCH sooner; I married far too young as well, I was just 20, merely a child really. He was older but that should not matter. He should have been the one to show me sexuality.

Paul semi-retired five years ago and that's when it really hit me, he was at home 24/7, hardly left the house, it was such an unhealthy existence, for both of us and I found myself going out more and more, and then needing to be out more and more.

I did have a few little flings, but nothing serious, I was obviously looking for someone special on my way through life. People do change as they get older, sometimes you can grow together and sometimes you grow apart.

If one person isn't fulfilled then it really is time to call it a day with the relationship.

A marriage without intimacy is a slow death.

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Thanks Patricia for sharing your story to inspire, and give hope to others.

If you need a listening ear…..

Life Coaching, Relationship Coaching, Intimacy Coaching, Sexuality Coaching:

e-mail earthenergies@gmail.com

LOVE - CHAINS or FREEDOM?

LOVE - CHAINS or FREEDOM?

Some people won’t fall in love because they fear they will be chained.  They block the possibilities and literally shut down part of themselves.

It is a pity that for some "love" relates to "dependence", "chains and "loss of freedom".

What is love? Love is different things to different people.

There is the family love a mother has for her child, or a brother has for a sister. That one does not normally cause confusion.

When we say we fall in love with someone, that love may be(come) the deepest love in our life, but we can at the same time love other people. Care is needed in the use of the word. A person can become very angry if he/ she feels that the partner does not only have love for her/ him.

It can break good relationships.

The perfect relationship is where two people come together, each fulfilled and whole in themselves, and they exist alongside each other, enjoying each other, but not depending on the other, or propping up the other in dependency. They are independent but are together.

That can be called unconditional love where we can love and expect nothing in return. We give freedom to that person. Unconditional love is also what can have for mankind, for nature, for animals. We can love everyone and everything this way. We can love each person in a yoga class but it does not mean that we will leave our partner or have sex with those people.

The problems arise when one person NEEDS another and they form a “needing / propping up each other” relationship. Even if they act quite independently, they speak of “having” the partner, as if he/ she is some trophy or prize possession.

Then they start to impose terms and conditions. “Don’t do this, Don’t see that person, don’t look at other women / men…….”

Using such words shows FEAR, fear of losing the person, jealousy, control….

In contrast - two  well-adjusted individuals , happy with themselves as individuals, can love the other in the opposite way, giving each other freedom to develop to their potential, freedom to be themselves, and not to be controlled. They can each observe a pretty woman or handsome man in the street, and share and discuss their true feelings “wow, great legs, great tits, great stomach” and not feel threatened.

Actually many parents will say to their children, “if you don’t do…. I will not love you”, again, by the words, creating a condition, so the child learns to be loved conditionally (if he – she does the right thing) not unconditionally, which should be the way.

We can love our partner, subject to our terms and conditions, being jealous, untrusting, controlling, like they are a possession, and then “love” for any other person is a threat. We FEAR that our partner may love another and leave us. We restrict and chain our partner with these expectations.

This is conditional love, so common, so often the reason why otherwise great relationships break up.

Often the people concerned come together in passion, and fall apart in anger jealousy and passion, or they possess, control, and chain the other, not ever realising it, and don’t allow the partner to reach their potential, or even to have special friends. Conditional love is often denying what the partner desires, and putting “me” first,

 OR

We can love our partner, unconditionally, allowing freedom for that person be become their true self. We can love others at the same time, without being a threat to the “relationship”. We accept that the partner can have some special friends for certain things the partner can’t provide, sometimes even sexual, by agreement.

Unconditional love is allowing the partner to have what they desire, and putting them first.

The only way to be in a relationship of unconditional love is to be conscious, to be honest, open and transparent, and to discuss everything. Not everyone is ready for this.

Are you? Is your partner?

Is the biggest risk staying in a dishonest, fear based relationship with secrets, invisible chains and conditions, or moving to an honest, open transparent conscious relationship with freedom?

ATTRACTING A LIFE PARTNER

ATTRACTING A LIFE PARTNER

Eva tells how she attracted her life partner after years of nothing working for her.

(Names changed for anonymity)

Dear David

Thanks for sharing your Facebook posts and giving positive energies and encouragement! I feel they are meant for me, resonating with me lately and helping me very much...

These months I lost my Dad, and encountered blind hate and violence, worse than I could imagine... but I’m good, keeping positive and meditating a lot.

True, this time is very challenging for me, but I also can feel the uplifting beautiful energies around!! I`m 100% sure that life works in circles.

I experienced God in these hard times better than ever... his helping hand and that He always listens and always knows the best timing...... and compensates us in mysterious ways! In the toughest times I could see with greatest clarity... in the deepest pain...emotional and physical...

Even how my Dad passed away I’m grateful for every minute. He woke up from coma mysteriously because I wanted to speak with him (I did distance healing as well) so he waited for me and I could introduce him my fiancee to him. He gave us his blessings and we spent few days together and God took him just after this....Also I could speak with my Dad after he died... in my deepest grief... he was with me anytime I wanted and supported me until I asked him to leave into afterlife, because he can`t stay with me.......and I learnt to let go....

Also I met with my life partner just when my Dad started to became weaker and weaker...and preparing to depart. They actually do the same work ..and I could tell you a lot of signs showing how God/Universe is helping my path... I try to focus on the positive gifts in my life and staying thankful for everything!

It may surprise you but I wasn`t even in a serious relationship for more than 10 years, and obviously like this I could not attract my life partner for a very long time... the worst was when I started to accept this, and was letting the desire go... which wasn`t the right way... when I felt almost physical pain from being lonely,

1. I reviewed my fears.... and I dug very deeply...and yes, I had protected myself from being attached to someone deeply ….so I had to delete this hidden, unconscious behaviour. No longer could I face and accept the fear, but instead I chose to focus on my desire...and pumping up that with energy!

2. Then I started meditating a lot, and asking the Universe to bring my perfect Partner, and giving the full Trust regarding this - that from above they will know who is my ideal partner!

3. I tried not to limit my specific "requirements/wish list"  

4. I just let go the details.... but strengthened the desire and will 

...and John was SO different from the picture in my mind; he is a man I would not ever have imagined for myself!!

As the filters still blocked my mind I didn`t recognise him first at all  ... but He did!! Thank God, and today this is the deepest relationship, the most real connection I could imagine and wish for... I feel like he is my twin soul. And the love increases day by day, and on deeper and deeper levels... without even the slightest passion from my side at the very beginning! 

Then I learned something..... I thought I knew myself and that "I know" ... what is the best for me. ... which is not true!! because they sent me someone from above who I would (with my "intelligent" mind) simply walk away from.... that was the biggest lesson for me! John and I are connected in heart not in mind.

Keep the trust in life, and look around always... for me it worked this way!! The "solution" is often closer than we could imagine!! big hug Eva xxxx

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Life Coaching, Relationship Coaching, Intimacy Coaching – In person or by skype.

e-mail earthenergies@gmail.com

MESSAGE FROM HOPI ELDERS

Message from the Hopi Elders

You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell people that THIS is the hour.
And there are things to be considered:

Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore,
Push off into the river.
Keep our eyes open,
And our heads above the water.
See who is in there with you and celebrate.
At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally,
Least of all ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey
Comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves!
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the One's we've been waiting for.

The Elders
Oraibi, Arizona
Hopi Nation

The Q'ero are saying it, This is the New Pachakuti, we are in it.. the sun has risen… it is two things at once.. the world turned upside down and the time to find ourselves…through the shaking of things as we know it we remember who we really are.. we come together.. we grow into beings of greater light than we have known before. this is possible and it is up to us! It is time to speak your 

truth.. it is time to open your heart and live from this place. The Illumined doorway is open now and the way is through your heart. it is time for the people of the heart, the munay tribe to gather, and lead the way.

deepest munay to you all, deep deep l'lankay and yachay.
Good Morning
xxx