LOVE - CHAINS or FREEDOM?
Some people won’t fall in love because they fear they will be
chained. They block the possibilities
and literally shut down part of themselves.
It is a
pity that for some "love" relates to "dependence",
"chains and "loss of freedom".
What is love? Love is different things to different people.
There is the family love a mother has for her child, or a brother
has for a sister. That one does not normally cause confusion.
When we say we fall in love with someone, that love may be(come)
the deepest love in our life, but we can at the same time love other people.
Care is needed in the use of the word. A person can become very angry if he/
she feels that the partner does not only have love for her/ him.
It can break good relationships.
The perfect relationship is where two people come together, each
fulfilled and whole in themselves, and they exist alongside each other,
enjoying each other, but not depending on the other, or propping up the other
in dependency. They are independent but are together.
That can be called unconditional love where we can love and expect
nothing in return. We give freedom to that person. Unconditional love is also what
can have for mankind, for nature, for animals. We can love everyone and
everything this way. We can love each person in a yoga class but it does not
mean that we will leave our partner or have sex with those people.
The problems arise when one person NEEDS another and they form a “needing
/ propping up each other” relationship. Even if they act quite independently,
they speak of “having” the partner, as if he/ she is some trophy or prize
possession.
Then they start to impose terms and conditions. “Don’t do this,
Don’t see that person, don’t look at other women / men…….”
Using such words shows FEAR, fear of losing the person, jealousy,
control….
In contrast - two well-adjusted
individuals , happy with themselves as individuals, can love the other in the
opposite way, giving each other freedom to develop to their potential, freedom
to be themselves, and not to be controlled. They can each observe a pretty
woman or handsome man in the street, and share and discuss their true feelings “wow,
great legs, great tits, great stomach” and not feel threatened.
Actually many parents will say to their children, “if you don’t do….
I will not love you”, again, by the words, creating a condition, so the child
learns to be loved conditionally (if he – she does the right thing) not unconditionally,
which should be the way.
We can love our partner, subject to our terms and conditions,
being jealous, untrusting, controlling, like they are a possession, and then “love”
for any other person is a threat. We FEAR that our partner may love another and
leave us. We restrict and chain our partner with these expectations.
This is conditional love, so common, so often the reason why
otherwise great relationships break up.
Often the people concerned come together in passion, and fall apart
in anger jealousy and passion, or they possess, control, and chain the other,
not ever realising it, and don’t allow the partner to reach their potential, or
even to have special friends. Conditional love is often denying what the
partner desires, and putting “me” first,
OR
We can love our partner, unconditionally, allowing freedom for
that person be become their true self. We can love others at the same time,
without being a threat to the “relationship”. We accept that the partner can
have some special friends for certain things the partner can’t provide,
sometimes even sexual, by agreement.
Unconditional love is allowing the partner to have what they
desire, and putting them first.
The only way to be in a relationship of unconditional love is to
be conscious, to be honest, open and transparent, and to discuss everything.
Not everyone is ready for this.
Are you? Is your partner?
Is the biggest risk staying in a dishonest, fear based relationship
with secrets, invisible chains and conditions, or moving to an honest, open
transparent conscious relationship with freedom?
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