BEHIND THE FAÇADE – ANOTHER SEXLESS MARRIAGE

(Actually Two non-intimate relationships)

A friend opens up to encourage others in the same situation to GET A LIFE.

Names changed for anonymity.

Hi David, do you know that Paul and I separated this year?

We had been growing apart for quite a few years and I had been unhappy and unsatisfied for a very long time.

Life is so short to be unhappy so, better late than never, I grabbed life with both hands. I'm sad I’ve hurt my girls (women now) I doubt they'll ever forgive me but perhaps they will understand one day when they experience life for themselves. I can relate to so many of your Facebook posts now that I'm in the zone of feeling fulfilled…..at long last!

I just had to do this "for me" 

Why is life and love so complicated? Will has been in a friendship, not really a full relationship for about 18 months and has found it hard to let the lady down, although it had almost run it's course before it began. There has never been anything physical between them.

I met him by pure chance earlier in the year and am convinced it was fate that we connected ... the rest just got better and better.

I would have left Paul sooner or later as my unhappiness had become so huge I couldn't contain it, 28 years is a lifetime in itself! Will is going to make the full break after the New Year. I know how hard it is to get the timing and the words right!!

I've had three months on my own here and although I've loved my independence I know I belong with someone rather than not, he's the other half of me and I felt the spark the first time we spoke on the phone, but he wasn't ready to commit until a good while later.

I have had to wait until he is ready. I’m on a different level these days. I now know that I've never really truly loved until now.

I guess we all have high expectations, we all assume that marriage is for life, until life shows us otherwise! I truly believe Will and I have the most wonderful future together but until we start really living the dream we're still not quite there but we have promised to always do our best for each other.

I can feel the lack of intimacy, like an endless deep pain. I've lived without intimacy for what feels like forever. It really isn't living at all, and Will too in his relationship.

I’m actually surprised I have children!!

Lack of intimacy is a huge part of why I couldn't stay any longer, but we were so mismatched from day one in that area.  I'm a woman and at long last someone has noticed, although Will and I have the whole package, but oooh the physical side to me is the icing on the cake of life. 

I really feel in tune with lots of your posts; isn't it amazing how looking at the world with fresh eyes and a happy heart can make you feel so alive!!!

Someone said to me recently that it was a really brave thing to jump ship ... I replied that I'm so thrilled I did because the water's gorgeous.

I’ve had a good handful of people openly admit to me that they wish they were in my shoes because they're just as frustrated. It would have been easier to stay and put up with what my old life was like, but I feel so refreshed and alive that I'm taking charge and actually living my life for me now, but you have to have the courage to take that plunge.

We're only human with needs and desires, it's completely natural, Most people won't discuss their own private intimacy, Paul never would, not even with me, which is partly why we struggled so much, I'm a very open person and that's just who I am. But some people who can discuss intimacy will still never change the way they are.

Maybe one day Paul can find a way to open his mind and thoughts, and I hope for his sake he does, but I never managed to see inside in almost 30 years we were together, how sad really!

He said when we're old it (sex) won't happen anyway and beds are for sleeping in! I was only in my early 30's at the time, and believe me, hearing that was pretty depressing.

I really should have called it a day MUCH sooner; I married far too young as well, I was just 20, merely a child really. He was older but that should not matter. He should have been the one to show me sexuality.

Paul semi-retired five years ago and that's when it really hit me, he was at home 24/7, hardly left the house, it was such an unhealthy existence, for both of us and I found myself going out more and more, and then needing to be out more and more.

I did have a few little flings, but nothing serious, I was obviously looking for someone special on my way through life. People do change as they get older, sometimes you can grow together and sometimes you grow apart.

If one person isn't fulfilled then it really is time to call it a day with the relationship.

A marriage without intimacy is a slow death.

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Thanks Patricia for sharing your story to inspire, and give hope to others.

If you need a listening ear…..

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